


Sharp sorrow

by huntingosprey



Category: Dragonriders of Pern - Anne McCaffrey
Genre: F/M, Mutually Unrequited, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2014-12-15
Packaged: 2018-03-01 15:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2777897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntingosprey/pseuds/huntingosprey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Menolly is a journeyman now and journeymen must...well, journey. Robinton knows this but it doesn't make it any easier to endure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sharp sorrow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redfive86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redfive86/gifts).



He didn't watch her go, could not watch her shoulder her guitar case and climb aboard the bronze dragon from Ista. He'd suppressed the name of rider and dragon, he didn't want to know of the pair that enforced this separation. He couldn't bare for it to begin couldn't wait for it to end, he'd fought for it and against it. Convinced himself he couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't allow it and that he must send her away as far and as fast as he could without raising suspicion. 

It had taken all his acting skills and control to stand up after dinner and say the words that would send her away from the hall, from him. The farewell after dinner had been an ordeal almost beyond his ability to bear, he had spoken to each journeyman wishing them well and passing on advice, he'd drunk sparingly and avoided her until almost the last moment. They'd stood facing each other silent in a corner before he saluted her with his cup and spoken a formal farewell and she had responded in kind. Her usually expressive voice flat and her face a lifeless mask, shards but it had almost broken him to see her so cold around him. 

They had argued, both for and against it as they blew hot and cold, over the issue for nearly a turn before Sebel had brought a skin of something potent, got them both rolling drunk and then made them agree that for at least a turn she would leave the hall. Ista was a welcoming place, and both Weyr and Hold harpers where kind men who would care for her and teach her the things she needed to know and couldn't learn at the Hall. Not to mention that he'd have another sharp pair of eyes on Southern Weyr and Hold, and it would help her feel less like an oddity and more like a true harper. Every journeyman travelled, some more than others true but all of them left the shelter of the Hall for Weyr, Hold or Cot at sometime before they walked the tables. She was going to a safe and welcoming Hold, she wouldn't be subjected to hardship or danger. She would be respected, listened to, allowed to play and teach without fear of rejection or the neglect she'd been forced to endure in her home hold.

But for all that he still couldn't watch her leave. The sound of Dragons leaping into the air and the wash of air as they took wing rolled over him like a wave of cold sea water, she was going, he wouldn't see her again for a turn at least. He dragged his eyes upwards just in time to see the dragons wink out. She was gone.

He dragged in a breath and spun on his heel, nodding to various masters and journeymen as he passed back into the hall heading for his rooms. Tonight he needed to be alone, time to gather his wits and strength for the sevendays ahead, he would have to be careful not to call for her without thinking. Not to expect her to come at his call or run his errands. Not the expect her to be bent over the sand table either in her room or his, he'd have to resist the urge to send Zair to her with messages. To compare every other female singer and musician with her, yes tonight he needed to be alone.

Silvina had left a tray on his desk, obviously his less than hearty appetite at dinner had been remarked upon, fortunately some kind soul had also left him another wineskin. Ignoring the food, for tonight, he opened the skin and sank back into his chair. How had he let things come to this? It had started so innocently, the need to find Pitron's talented apprentice. To shape and harness such raw talent into his vision of a reshaped Pern, to make a world where everyone had a chance, where the old balance of Weyr, Hold and Hall functioned properly and no one side held all the power. Then he had found her and slowly, insidiously things had changed. 

She had been so frightened, so fragile and so determined at first, still so unsure of her right to be in the Hall to exercise her gifts. It had been easy, necessary, to step into the role of the caring paternal mentor. He took a deep gulp of wine, he'd worked so carefully to bring her out of her shell, to convince her she belonged. Fardels hadn't he done a good job of that! Less than half a turn after her arrival at the Hall and she was his, he was her Craftmaster, mentor, tutor, father and... he cut off that thought in another long pull on the wineskin. He was more than old enough to be her father and she was not yet an adult let alone a master, however much he, they, might wish to change things it was better that, for now at least, that egg remained unhatched. 

Shells he was still to sober, he needed to stop thinking about all she was to him and start thinking about how to handle the various other issues facing Pern. Yes, that's what he needed to do. She needed to leave, to lean and grow away from his dangerous infatuation. A thing now more dangerous thanks to Zair having reached his full growth, he blushed at the memory of Beauty's first flight. By the first egg he'd been glad he was alone for that! Distance and time would help both of them restore a balance between personal wants and public needs, they could not afford to loose sight of the stakes. Pern was too torn and hidebound to survive this pass as it stood, they could not risk censure either for their Hall or themselves. Perhaps when the current crisis was past and life was as ordered and safe as it could be during a Pass they might, well there was always the excuse of Fire Lizards mating frenzy to blame if they need to.

"You're an addle-shelled dim glow Robinton," he growled to the darkness that had crept into his rooms, "no use in trying to count the bronzes before the clutch is even laid."

Tossing back the last of the wine he rose, swaying only slightly, and stumbled towards his bed, tomorrow would soon be here and she would still be gone and he would still have to carry on. However much he wished it was not so he had duties to attend to, Pern must come first. His duty as a Harper was to teach, instruct and guide. Duty and Pern, those and those alone must be his focus. Rolling under the sleeping fur he hoped he was tiered and drunk enough not to dream, Zair slithered down the bed post and curled up next to his ear a warm comforting presence. It was not the presence he wanted in his bed but it would do for now and, perhaps in time, it might be enough.


End file.
